Lost sentiment

When I was in Alaska, the day before the marathon, I bought a pair of running socks. They weren't particularly pretty or fancy, but they said something very important on them...

26.2

That's all.

26.2

They said so little, but they said so much.

These were my marathon socks & I was not going to allow myself to wear them until I actually completed a marathon. In my mind, I had to earn the right to wear those socks. And boy did I ever earn that right!

I wore those socks for the very first time on August 20... the day of the 1st practice of the new season. I know this may sound silly, but wearing them gave me a sense of pride. People kept asking me "where did you get those?!" & I'd smile & say "Alaska!"

Even though I only ran 6 miles the day I wore those socks, to me it was a sort of milestone. Wearing them made me feel like I had more of a right to be there in that park with all those other runners. I'd been in the trenches. I was officially a marathoner. It was great!

Fast-forward a few days later when it was time to do laundry...

I smiled when I saw those dirty socks & hoped the detergent would be able to get out all the dirt (Memorial Park is a dirt trail). I gave 'em a few extra spritzes of Shout & threw them in the washing machine. Not once did it ever occur to me that this would be the last time I saw those socks as a complete pair.

Yup. You guessed it... one of my fabulous 26.2 socks mysteriously disappeared in the laundry room version of the Bermuda Triangle that is known as...

The Dryer!!

Unfortunately, I didn't go through my clean laundry for a while & by the time I noticed one of the socks was missing, it was too late. I went back to the laundry room in a veiled effort to find my wayward sock, but alas, it wasn't there. I was crushed.

I know I can always buy another pair of 26.2 socks, but they will never be the ones I bought in Alaska... the place where I worked my ass off for 5 months to get to... the place where I ran in cold & wind & rain & mud... the place where I completed my very first marathon. They just won't be the same. :*(




Do you think it would be silly of me to put a sign up in the laundry room asking if anyone found it? LOL!

Occupational Hazzard

Today the inevitable happened... I lost my toe-nail. I knew it would come eventually. The damage had been done & it was just a matter of time.

About 5-6 months ago, I was wearing a new, thicker pair of socks on a long run. I'd pulled the sock on too tight & when I put my foot in my shoe, it pulled it tighter. I didn't really notice it until a few miles into my long run. By the time I was done, my toe was KILLING me. Every run after that would aggrevate it a little bit more. Eventually the nail turned black, but I was able to cover it with nail polish. Well, no nail polish or pedicure in the world can cover this. I don't know what I'm going to do now to protect it on my future runs. That sucker hurts just putting a band-aid over it. I'll have to ask the folks at RunSport what I can do until it grows back.

Yikes! I hope it grows back!!

*sigh*

I used to have such pretty feet.

So long old friend. It's been nice knowing you.

By the way....

I didn't get the job at TNT. They promoted from within. I found out Thursday night at the Summer Season reunion. However, there is another campaign manager leaving to work for the Houston Marathon, so there's another opening, which means there is still a very slim chance I may get a job there.

Very slim.

Interestingly enough though... at that TNT reunion, I was offered a job by one of the coaches. He's a guy I used to work with for years back when I worked for an industial manufacturer (he was my biggest customer, only we never made the connection between us until we were on the boat in Alaska. Talk about a small world!) Unfortunately, it's not the line of work I want to be in & if I took the job, I honestly don't think I'd be any happier. The only difference would be that I'd be making a ton more money.

Maybe I should take it anyway.

Still alive

Yesterday was the 1st practice of the winter season. The new recruits were to meet at 6:45 & start running by 7:00. They were going to do a simple 3 miles, but I wanted to get in a little more than that, so I got up at 5:00 am so I could get to the park by 6:00 so I could do a 3 mile loop before the rest of the gang got to the park. I figured it would loosen me up a bit & get me ready to do another 3 miles with the group.

You know what they say about the best laid plans....

I'd forgotten how hard it was to get up so friggin' early on a Saturday. And 5:00 am wasn't even that early! In the few weeks leading up to the marathon, I was getting up at 4:00 am so I could be running by 5:00. But yesterday the hour had my brain in a complete fog. I'd pretty much forgotten my whole routine. I forgot everything. I forgot to put body glide under my arms, I forgot bug spray, a towel, water/gatorade, & a change of clothes & shoes. Thankfully, when I got to the park, the coaches were already there setting up & I was able to snag some bug spray from them. Then I was off & running.

Well... off & walking for the most part. I only ran about 1/3 of the time. I felt like my feet were cement blocks & I was trying to run through a swamp (it was about as humid as a swamp, that's for sure). There were 100's of people out there running... almost every single one of them passed me. And as they passed, I hated them. Inside my head I was screaming "Bitch! Asshole! Why do you mock me so????" I wanted them to be as slow as I was. I wanted them to know my misery. I wanted them to trip & fall. I wanted pterodactyls to swoop down from the sky & eat every last one of them... those fabulous, gliding runners with their tight bodies & smug attitudes who refused to follow the rules of park etiquette & ran 4 & 5 people across & had the gall to bump shoulders with me as they ran by. FUCK YOU!!! Yes, I'm fat & slow, but I have every right as you to be out here running you little bastards!

I was not in a good mood.

At about 2 miles, when I finally was able to ignore the assholes on the track & started running a bit more, I started to cramp in my side. WTF??? I've never had side cramps before. Cramps in my calves or toes, yes. But never my sides. It must've been that power bar I ate before I left the house. I knew I should've only eaten 1/2 of it. Damn you Power Bar!!!

At this point I wanted nothing more than to be back at the picnic table, not running. After what seemed like forever, I finally got my wish. By the time I finished my 3 miles, the new group of recruits, along with all the coaches & other mentors had started to gather. I was completely SOAKED with sweat. It looked like I'd jumped in a pool. I was SO hot & the sun hadn't even come up yet. I quickly grabbed a cup of ice water & poured it over my head in an attempt to cool down. I saw some of my mentees & they looked a bit surprised at my appearance. I'm sure I must've been a beautiful sight. ;-) We chatted a bit before the coaches began their welcome speech & then a guy from the local running store gave a presentation on the proper apparell to wear. Then they were off & running.

The other mentors & I stayed behind to have a brief meeting. Afterwards, I had planned on just sitting & waiting for everyone to finish, but my friend & fellow mentor, Carrissa asked me to run with her. It had been at least 40 minutes since I'd finished my 1st run & I was feeling much better, so I decided to go with her. Those next 3 miles were much easier. I don't know if it was just because I'd had a chance to rest or if it was because I was running with a friend this time around. Whatever it was, I felt good & it seemed to go by much faster than the 1st 3 miles.

After the run, we hung around at the park for a little bit with the newbies before we headed to breakfast at Biba's. It was the 1st time I'd been back there since the last practice before the maraton & it felt like going home again. I was with the same group of people & it was as if no time had passed. I hadn't realized how much I missed being with this group every Saturday. They are my running family. I actually can't wait until next weekend when we get to do it all over again.

Weird how things can change a person's life, eh?

What the????

I've had people find this blog by doing searches for "marathon training", "Mayor's Midnight Sun marathon", "Houston marathon", & even "I hate humidity". But today, someone found this here blog by doing a search on yahoo for (I shit you not) "she was finally able to pee".

LMFAO!!

Back in the saddle again...

Well, I did it. I finally got off my ass & started running again. I just finished 2 miles & I'm still alive to talk about it.

It wasn't as bad as I though it would be, but it wasn't as easy as I remembered, either. I started out strong, but eventually the humidity began to make me feel like I weighed 100,000 lbs. Have I ever mentioned how much I absolutely despise humidity? Well, I do. I DESPISE IT!!! It is the bane of my running existence! And it didn't help that I ran after a massive, torrential downpour. It has to be at least a bajillion percent humidity out there right now. I could actually chew the air!

Lovely.

But I did it. I ran. And I survived.

Go me. :)

***EDIT***

OK, so according to the weather channel, the humidity is at 82% & not a bajillion. So sue me. Still, that's pretty friggin' humid! Right?

Also, I almost forgot to post about a cool online pedometer my coaches linked me to: check it out!

If you don't happen to live in Hoboken (which I do not), simply click on the "If you don't live in Hoboken" link & it'll take you to a map of the US. Just find your city, zoom in to your route, & follow the instructions to map it. It'll give you the miles you've logged & even the calories you've burned. You can even save it as a permalink so you can keep adding to it every time you run. It's very cool.

Finding Home

Last Saturday, I attended another TNT recruitment meeting. We had another great turnout & this time, I was even asked to speak. The honored patient that was supposed to talk never showed up so I was asked to tell the story about my brother-in-law, why I joined TNT, & about my experience. I was calm & nervous at the same time & I just spoke from the heart. It was a very different experience being the one everyone was listening to. I'm used to watching from the sidelines. One woman in particular seemed to be very moved by my story. It felt good to tell it.

The rest of the week was spent trying to recover from a very nasty cold/flu/allergy thing while having a miserable time at work. I was SO glad when the week was finally over & I could finally breathe, both literally & figuratively. I had a great time Friday night at the ice house, just sitting outside, having a few drinks, & shootin' the shit with a few of my teammates. It was exactly what I needed. We didn't stay out too late because we all had to be up early to help set up for the big TNT winter season kick-off party.

I got to the hotel ballroom just a little after 8:00 am & started to help blowing up balloons for the table centerpieces. The rest of the place was all in a tizzy, trying to get everything just perfect. Eventually the vendors started showing up & setting up shop & the place was looking very nicely put together. In a few minutes, the newest members of TNT would be showing up, ready, willing, & able to get started on this wild & crazy adventure.

It was amazing how many people were there. We filled that entire HUGE ballroom & everything went off without a hitch. I got to meet 6 of my mentees (2 of them had just signed up that day). It was weird how comfortable I was with the whole situation. As I met each person, it was all so simple. I talked to them about the program & answered all their questions. I could tell some of them were nervous, but I think I made them feel a little more at ease. Eventually we were just laughing & joking around.

I think the costume helped.

You see, all of the coaches & mentors were required to dress in costume for the occasion... something that would represent one of the 3 marathons we are doing this season (Honolulu, Houston, & Arizona). It was supposed to inspire the new recruits & add a little more fun into the mixture, not to mention an easy way for the newbies to pick us out of the crowd. I couldn't make up my mind on what to wear, so I decided to go w/ the Rock-n-Roll Hula Cowgirl outfit you see here. Everyone really seemed to get a kick out of it.

Little did I know that there was going to be a contest for "Best Dressed". And who do you think should win?

That's right... yours truly!

My winnings? A free one-hour massage. YIPEE!!!! Lord knows I'm gonna need that, especially after I get back into running the longer distances.

It really was a great day. Every day I'm with these people, the more it feels like "home". It all just.... fits. I applied for the job at TNT, and as badly as I want this job, I have a feeling I'm not going to get it. I really don't think I'm completely qualified. But I'm going to try to not let it discourage me. Who knows... maybe there will be some other position available that I'm more suited for. A girl can dream, right?

In the mean time, I'm going to start my training again. We'll see what happens from there.

Not gonna do it

The run tomorrow is off. I can't breathe at all through my nose & my chest is getting more congested by the minute. So instead I shall sleep. But I do promise to get out there & run as soon as I can breathe again. Pinky swear & everything! :)

One last thing...

Last night after the meeting, I promised 2 of my friends that I would run with them Saturday morning. So, come 6:00 am, I will be out there again. I may just do a single 3 mile loop around the park (I have a pretty bad cold right now), but at least I'll be out there again.

Eek. I hope I can do it.

Time for a change

Saturday I began my 1st duties as a mentor with Team in Training by attending an information/recruitment meeting. It went great... we had a big turn-out. As the meeting began, I sat outside at the registration table where I chatted with my friend & fellow TNT teammate, Erica. About midway through the meeting, my coach Ginny came out to tell me they were starting the video & asked if I wanted to watch it, which indeed I did. I figured this time around, since I now knew my sister was in the video, that I would be fine... that no tears would be shed.

I was wrong.

As soon as I saw Sheila holding her son & heard her talking about how when she 1st started training, she couldn't get on her bike without crying, & they showed the picture of her husband with his son, I felt that lump in my throat getting bigger & bigger. As she continued to talk, a few small tears fell down my cheek. One of the coaches standing next to me reached over & put her arm around me & rubbed my shoulder. As I looked over at the other coaches I saw that they were all looking at me. They all knew.

It's been 4 years since Dave died & it's still so hard for me. I can only imagine what its like for my sister. I wonder if it will ever get better.

After the video was done, I thought that would be the end of my crying for the day.

I was wrong.

Since I was outside when the meeting started, I had missed all the things that had been discussed inside, so it wasn't until after the video that I learned the sad news... Tim Dedman, a very good friend of my friends & teammates, Dave & Michelle, and our honored patient... had lost his battle with Leukemia & died at the age of 29. Even though I knew he wasn't going to survive, & even though I knew that things had gotten much worse for him by the time of the marathon (June 18), the news of his death still came as quite a shock. His funeral was that very same day.

I didn't want to think about it. It was just too sad. So I was happy when I got the phone call from a friend & was invited to a Comets basketball game that afternoon. It was a nice 3 hour distraction. But upon returning home, I had to face the facts. Tim was dead. I spent the rest of the evening going through his wife's journal entries & crying my eyes out. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose the love of my life like that. I still don't know how my sister goes on. The human spirit is an amazing thing. And lately, my spirit seems to be fading.

I feel like I've just been going through the motions. Sure, I'll have a good day here & there, but they are way too short & too far between. The rest of the time I keep wondering what my life is really all about & what will become of me.

I need a change. I think that's why I'm so excited about being a mentor with Team in Training. I wish I could describe the way it makes me feel. When I'm with these people, I truly feel like I belong & like I'm really making a difference in this world & in the lives of other people. I went to another recruitment meeting last night & got to see even more of my friends, including Michelle (who I hadn't seen since I left Alaska). This time I was inside & got to hear everyone speak, including my honored patient, 9 year old John Purtee & his dad. (The kid is gonna be a lady killer, I'm telling ya! He had all of us ladies swooning over him at the end. LOL!) It was so wonderful to see all these new people become so touched by what they saw & heard... touched so much that they forked over their $75 & signed up right on the spot. Some of these people will be my mentees. I can't wait to get started!

I knew that when I joined this group that it would change my life, but I had no clue it would make me feel this way. This has effected me so much, that I have decided to take a risk...

I am applying for a job as the campaign manager for the Texas Gulf Coast Chapter of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society & Team in Training. It just so happens that the current campaign manager is moving to California in 2 months, so they need a replacement. Tomorrow I will submit my resume to the local office & hope & pray that they want to at least interview me. The pay is about the same as I'm making now, & I'm not exactly sure about the benefits, but the benefit to my soul, should I actually get the job, would be tremendous. This is a job that I can see myself loving... one where I would welcome the start of the day & not want to crawl back under the covers as the alarm goes off. One where I can make a true, honest difference in the world & not just cater to some egotistical narcissist.

Plus, I'd get to go to Hawaii in December. ;-)

I have no idea if this will actually work out, but I have to at least try. Something has got to change. It seems fairly certain that it won't be my love life, but maybe, just maybe it will be my work life.