Slowly but surely

After 2 weeks off, I was back at the park tonight for a short 3 mile run. Time: 47 minutes. Ugh.

I started out pretty good but about 1/2 way around the loop, I started feeling dizzy & the energy was sucked right out of me. I'd been sick with a stomach virus thing for the 1st half of this week & I'm still not 100%, but I was still hoping I'd be able to do better. I guess what matters is that I was out there, right? It's all so frustrating. I just can't seem to get back on track. It's been one thing after another.

I'm still beating myself up about the marathon. I can't seem to accept the fact that I didn't really finish. I look at my medal hanging on my wall & I feel like I didn't earn it. I keep saying to myself that I could have done more... that I should've just ignored my body & pushed myself harder to beat the cutoffs & to finish. It doesn't seem to matter in my mind that 6 days before the race I was curled up in a fetal position barely able to move because my back was hurting so much. I should be proud of the fact that I was able to go 3 miles, let alone 18 miles, but I'm not.

I'm not in a good place right now. I've been getting more & more depressed about my weight & it's nobody's fault except my own. After the marathon I basically "fell of the wagon" so to speak in regards to my diet & I've been eating like crap & drinking too much. Other aspecs of my life have been going to shit lately & I've been going back to my old habits with food. However, I got rid of all my junk food this weekend & bought nothing but healthy foods. I even skipped over the display of super yummy ice cream that was ON SALE!!!

I need to get SUPER serious about exercising & eating right. Thankfully I have a good support system when it comes to the exercise part... my girls... Adrienne, Carmen & Carissa. They are becoming work-out fiends & I'm gonna do my best to keep up with them. However, they are also my bad influences when it comes to the diet part... especially the drinking, but I'm just going to have to hold strong. I have to. I want to be in the best shape of my life for the Disney marathon in January & that's not going to happen unless I get serious now.

Here's hoping I can keep it up.