Highs, lows & a need for anger management

Again, I apologize for not posting in so long. I'm not even sure how many people still read this thing. I'm thinking it's only a couple. So for those brave few of you that still check this here blog, here's a little post for you.

Training has been going ok so far. I've had some highs & lows. The lows are mostly just me being disappointed in myself for not doing better. I'm so competative with myself & when I don't do as well as I think I should, I tend to beat myself up over it. I keep trying to tell myself "remember... 10 months ago you couldn't even walk!" But to that I usually just say "yeah... TEN friggin' months! You should be better by now!"

I know. I'm bad.

The worst is when I'm out there "running", thinking I'm doing great. Then I come home, map out the route I just ran, then look at my time & realize I was slooooooowwwwwww. Today was one of those days. I just got back from a quick run thru the neighborhood. Just a week ago I ran a similar route, thinking it wasn't very far, but when I mapped it when I got home I saw it was much further than I thought. I had the best time I've had in what seems like forever: avg. of 14:40 per mile. WALKING! I was thrilled! So today I decided to take that route & add to it. Again, I didn't map it out beforehand. I just played it by ear. I started out a little slow but quickly picked up the pace. I felt like I was doing great... keeping my pace steady & going strong. When I got home & stopped my watch, I'd been out there for 49 mins. I was excited to see just how far I'd gone. I was SO disappointed to find out it was only 3.02 miles. That means I went from 14:40 per mile to 16:16 per mile. I was LIVID! How could that be? I felt like I was going so much faster. I was in the friggin' ZONE! Hell, I did better on Saturday when I went 5 miles (15:50/mi). GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

This is me... kicking myself.

Maybe that parking garage* I ran on Tuesday did more of a number on my legs than I thought. I don't know. All I know is that I'm pissed & want a "do over". Unfortunately I'm too tired. So instead I'll take a cold bath, then shower & go to bed. Maybe I'll feel better about it tomorrow.

Yeah. Doubt it.

(* Btw... I did great w/ that parking garage. I was able to go full speed up all 6 or 7 levels twice, & of course the down part was easy. Plus, I had to run about 1.5 miles to the garage, then another 1.5 miles back to my car. It didn't take me nearly as long as I thought it would, & I even walked back to my car pretty damn slowly. Definitely need to do that at least once a week to strengthen my legs.)